IF I THINK TOO MUCH, I MIGHT CRY AGAIN

I've never intended my blog to be a forum for unloading my troubles or stresses or for complaining about this and that. How can I complain about my life? I'm retired, with time on my hands to do all the things I love; I'm serving a mission for my church--giving back a little of what I've been given; I have the love of a beautiful family, who, though their lives have ups and downs, are consistently upbeat and supportive; a dear, dear husband who is patient, loving, and a great friend. So, my title may be a bit misleading...my tears have been flowing a lot the past week or two but...I'm tough. I'll be returning, tomorrow, to Guam for a while to help care for Marie's family while they bring baby number five into the world. Such a trip has mixed blessings. I'm very grateful to be healthy enough to care for them and don't begrudge one second of the time I'll be spending on a tropical island with loved ones, but I'm already anticipating how I will miss my husband!! We've been inseparable for years now. We're best friends, buddies, compadres, sharing laughs, jokes, foibles, failings, everything. We just celebrated our 38th anniversary. We go together...Ah well...I'm tough!

Life has been lots of fun lately. Our daily routine wouldn't inspire too many, but we're having a great time. Dad has worked hard on the yard, the woodpile, the rock wall, the deck, and his menagerie. If you look closely, you'll see that the engineer of this little train is a squirrel. Our yard is filled with squirrels, birds, quails, raccoons, and the occasional cat! All the drama of life acted out in the lives of these little critters. One little guy taught a particularly poignant lesson. We had a rental car for a few days, and we kept hearing an odd sound--over and over and over. It was this small sparrow attacking an enemy who was threatening his family. He was seeing his own reflection in the car's bumper and attacked the "enemy" over and over from dawn until dusk. Dad took the car to the wood pile one day and smeared some dirt on the bumper, so our little guy moved to the side of the car and repeated his agonizing attack. His futile actions reminded me that there are often times in our lives when we attack our problems in the same way as this little father--we cannot move on, and we simply repeat, uselessly, the same solutions that have never worked before. We beat ourselves up over problems we can't solve in a manner that has seemingly worked for us before. We haven't seen our little friend since we returned the rental, so, hopefully, he's moved on. There's great value on in moving on from that which we can't do anything about.

I have found a complication in my life in the form of a quilt for Ethan. I wanted something simple--after all, if I achieve my goal of quilts for all my grandchildren and children in my lifetime, I need to get going. So, I chose a "simple" pattern and have had nothing but trouble with what I've dubbed the rainbow quilt. I've made so many mistakes, picked them out, started again, goofed again, and started over. Now, there is a difference between me and the little daddy bird--each time I've learned a little more, made corrections, and tried again. Many times, I've wanted to just throw away what I've started, but I'd invested too much money in the material, plus my stubborn Kennedy genes wouldn't let me give up. I spent a lot of time getting advice and help from Aunt Joan, my friends, and even your dad. The rainbow quilt is finished and ready to deliver to Ethan. Do you think he'll know that there are so many mistakes in this quilt that it would never pass the critical eye of other quilters, or will the little label that says: "My Grandma Loves Me" be what he remembers??

Sometimes in this grand adventure we call life, there are times when the only real solution is to rid ourselves of the problem. Anyone recognize this hole? It's the old Beachum house which has stood on Maple Avenue for years--never changing, never improving, never making an effort for self-improvement, becoming an eyesore in the neighborhood. Someone finally gave it a decent burial!! I think that's a good way to rid ourselves of some old problems and bad feelings and useless grudges.

Tomorrow I'll get a stamp on my passport and an opportunity to serve, and I'll trust that all of you will remember that your dad is home alone. Pester him with phone calls, prayers, and visits. He and Vale have a busy month planned, and so do I!! I intend to share chicken on a stick with Connor, book talk discussions with Harmony, some art sessions with Ethan, long talks and laughs with Marie, maybe Ben can teach me how to use the WII, some DS adventures with Ivan and cuddles from Mason. I'll sit on Marie's porch in the midst of a tropical storm and remind myself that I am loved, cherished, and still teeth-chatteringly, heart-stoppingly in love with a guy I've only known for 38 years, as eternity stretches before me....Love to you all. Mom

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

-Christopher Robin to Pooh

A TRAVELOGUE.....FULFILLING A PROMISE

In the last few weeks, we've traveled to Idaho--for temple visits and overnight stay with cousins, Peggy and Terry. We enjoyed two huge meals and a visit to "Death Valley," the retirement village where Terry and Peggy have a home!!
Then on to Kanab, Utah, a favorite spot of ours--ask Vale about The Three Bears Bakery. Kanab is known as "Little Hollywood" because many Westerns were filmed in the area!! You can see whose room we stayed in; we swear the pillows are the same ones Maverick slept on!!

Alas, no pictures of our stop in Sedona, AZ to visit Kevin and Debbie and enjoy a huge Southern meal fixed for us by Debbie's stepmom!
Then, to Mesa to visit our favorite Desert Dwellers:

By plane to Champaign, Illinois for the graduation!!

Then, to Springfield, Illinois where we saw flooding, Abraham Lincoln historic sites, and interesting spots along historic Route 66.

W

We returned home to spring in all her glory!!

Yawn...remembering all that traveling makes me sleepy!! We're headed out tomorrow to decorate family graves....yawn...I'd better take a nap! Love from Mom

BLANK PAGE, BLANK MIND

It really isn't that I have a blank mind, just a mind in random free fall...what, of all that's happened, should I write about??? Well....there's a visit from...drum roll please...our kissin' cousins from North Carolina...the Kennedys. A few months ago, we became acquainted with Dad's cousin and his wife, James and Margaret Kennedy, from Fayetteville, NC. We've been exchanging emails, genealogy info, etc. James' grandfather, Donald, is the brother of Dad's father; but our side of the family never met James because of a divorce. It was so fun to connect when James and Margaret came for a visit. Instant connection, lots of talking, touring, eating...all the ingredients for a warm friendship!!

And there's Grandma's birthday party. A smashing success with lots of wonderful refreshments provided by all the ladies of the family, a nice gathering hosted by Aunt Marian, and a good time had by all.

On our way home, we found these:

We were not very far from the log cabin where Mark and Tricia lived. No, we didn't buy one...this time. I've already asked for an external hard drive for Mother's Day, but we're going to get one or two for our lawn for a 38th wedding anniversary gift. Yes, 38 years together...in June. The man who built these has over 30 birdhouses up in his yard, and we talked with him about our home menageries!!

Today is Mother's Day. I am feeling blessed for the opportunity of being a mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. I'm proud of my daughters and daughters-in-law who face many more challenges than I did as a mother and are rearing my sweet grandchildren and great grands. Many years ago, over thirty now, I dreaded Mother's Day because I had no children, but I soon got over that. Now, I only dread Mother's Day church programs because, in the speakers' praises of the perfect mothers, we real-life, not-so-perfect mothers begin to squirm and feel a bit uncomfortable, remembering our shortcomings...ah well. I'm off to church--late because of a call from Mark, the first who made me a mother, and my makeup's already ruined, and....I love you all. Kiss your babies and your spouses...Love from here. Mom

AHHHH......

Need I say more about the weeks of work!! It is a beautiful room. The beat now moves outside for yard work!!
I have to tell you Grandma's funny story before I forget. Some of you may not know that Grandma has, for several years, received, almost daily, calls from a collection agency for a Marguerite Kennedy. Being of a generation too polite to be rude, Grandma has always answered the calls and patiently explained that she isn't Marguerite Kennedy. She did tell me that she found out a few years ago, that her birth certificate does have her name misspelled as Margarite Bailey. Recently, these calls have increased to the point of being made three and four times a day and ringing for as long as five minutes, so we took some action and got her on the NoCall database, registered a complaint, and convinced her that it isn't rude to not answer calls from a scam company. Yesterday, she said her phone rang off and on all day long and for several minutes each time. She ignored it for as long as she could. Finally, she picked up the phone and yelled into it, "Why do you keep calling me? I don't know why you keep calling." Just as she was hanging up, she heard a quiet little voice say,"Because....you're my mother...." A little girl had a wrong number. So funny!!

Love to you all from the spoiled lady in her beautiful kitchen!! Mom

'How did it go so fast?' we'll say as we are looking back. And then we'll understand - we held gold dust in our hands" - Tori Amos

THE BEAT GOES ON

Today is Easter Sunday. It's nearly 6am, and I've been staring at the blank page of my blog for a while. I am usually eager to share the events--mundane as they are--of our week, so that family and friends scattered throughout the world will know that we're still alive, still hanging on, and doing our thing. This week, however, our life seems more mundane than usual. There are no real highs or real lows--just a comfortable moving forward with the projects and prospects of feathering our nest and readying it for the visitors who will grace us with their sweet presence throughout the spring and summer.

I am still sewing and decorating; Dad is hammering and painting. We've gone from this:

To this:

To this:

There is still a new counter to be installed on Wednesday and the wall/shelf decorations to be arranged. Some of you will be saddened--hmmm...ha....that the mountain man is no more. He's relegated to guarding the wood pile. Encouraged to know that dad's dog has had a long needed bath, and Molly Bear is not far behind. The refrigerator is doing some rumbling that sounds suspiciously like a death rattle, but....we're moving on--outdoors...to lawn projects and unburdening the gazebo of its winter storage of garden rocks, lawn furniture, and empty flower pots.

We have forgone the chocolate Easter bunnies, baskets, and colored eggs side of Easter this year for the sake of our health and our waistlines. Wait...there were those Cadbury eggs at our class the other night...

However the real reason for the season has not been ignored, and we have been moved and uplifted by a recent Easter message from Jeffrey R. Holland, one of the general authorities of our Church. Elder Holland's is posted many places on the internet. I, however, haven't figured out how to post the video of his talk on my blog, but you can watch/listen to the full text at: http://www.fromthedust.org/2009/04/10/mormon-messages-none-were-with-him-jeffrey-r-holland/ In this world of so much turmoil and chaos, his words were especially relevant and moving. My favorite part is this:

With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required; indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.
But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.” Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”
Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless. [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

For all of you whom I love so much, remember that I am one of those family members, friends, companions who was given as your companion for your mortal journey. I don't have much in a material way, but...I have total and absolute faith--unwavering and well-tested. in the existence of God, in His power to hold us in the hollow of His hand and guide us through this frail existence. I can pray for you and with you; I can listen, hold your hand, and give you a swift kick if that's what you need!! I will always be here...lowly servant that I am. All my love, Mom

IT TAKES TWO

After about an hour of pinning 4.5x2.5 rectangles together to make patchwork rows for Ethan's quilt, I decided to give my weary neck a rest and took a break. I went to check on Dad who was happily wrapped in the cocoon of his blanket, dreaming, I'm sure, of how to finish the kitchen project! I had on my mind a lady in my exercise class with whom I have only a nodding acquaintance. She's in my prayers because she recently lost her fiance. He proposed to her and gave her a ring on Monday and died of a sudden heart attack brought on, they say, by the sound of the snapping of a large tree in his front yard. This isn't the first time Gail has received such a loss. Her first husband died a long and lingering death some years ago, and a man who courted her after her husband's death also gave her a ring and then died the next day. One of the exercise ladies said, "I wonder how she can put one foot in front of the other." Indeed. Her plight reminds me how fragile life is. How one needs to enjoy and relish each and every moment with a loved one--especially a spouse. Dad is a popular fellow at the senior citizens' center we sometimes go to. He's always outgoing and friendly, mobile, and still a handsome, vigorous man at 70. (No wonder this guy still makes my heart leap!) He's most often asked, "Do you dance?" "Only with my wife." "Oh," they say glumly as they look over at me. The song lyrics, "It takes two, Babe" often come to my mind when we venture into that lair!

It took two--Thomas and Margaret Olive Bailey Kennedy--to produce this large progeny. Cousin Peggy recently presented Grandma with this prototype of a wall hanging that she's making for her. Blue slips are children and spouses, yellow are grandchildren, green are great-grandchildren, and pink are great-great. Grandma's 101st descendant--Drake Douglas Sturges was born a few days/weeks ago.



It takes two to do kitchen projects. When we're working on projects, there are clearly defined roles. As you can see Dad has the bulk of the work! He's sanded down and painted and worked very hard on a new look. I am in charge of the bling--clearing out the kitchen cabinets, decorating, making the McDonald's runs for sustenance, and staying out of the way.

My job was to line the shelves with shelf liner. Don't you love the sweet little chickens? As you can see, the project didn't go well since I started it while Dad was in The Dalles picking up more supplies. I measured, re-measured, lined up, etc. I even braved standing on the footstool to get the shelf paper on straight!! I would have cussed some too, but I'm trying to be good. To no avail--my results are clearly picture above. Dad came home to the disaster, held one end of the paper while I held the other, and we finished papering the shelves--it took two!

And we have two April birthdays!! Mr. Wyatt turns two on income tax day! He thinks he's three or maybe even four, so don't spoil his illusion. In this picture, he's wearing his "fire coat" made by his Grandma Niehoff. He doesn't take this coat off!!
Birthday girl, Taylor, is a sweetheart. She turns four. Like most little girls, Taylor is a princess and a thinker.

Life is good for us right now. All is well. Grandma is doing quite well, and everyone in the family seems to be truckin' along. We have everything money can't buy!! Love from the home front. Mom

"Grace is God's acceptance of me. Faith is my acceptance of God's acceptance of me. Peace is my acceptance of me." Robert Millett

IT MUST BE SPRING--WE'RE IN PROJECT MODE

Spring is within our range of vision. White Salmon is putting on her Spring colors. Today we did a survey of the front yard and were dismayed to see that we've lost a few rhododendrons and some shrubbery to the destruction of winter weather. The plants have served us well, and we'll find new plants in their honor.

I'm sure you're wondering what on earth I am doing showing a picture of grocery sacks. Believe it or not, they're a tribute to my sister who is leaving for a church mission a week from today. My sister is a pack rat and a gadget girl when it comes to sewing, specifically quilting. She has every gadget ever invented that is designed to make sewing easier. She has a sewing room filled with gidgets and gadgets, books, baskets, and lots of projects in embryo!! Second only to her family, Joan is going to miss this hodge podge world of sewing projects. She's made dozens and dozens of quilts, table runners, pictures for everyone, and typical of most quilters, she doesn't have any of her own creations for herself!! She generously walked me into her sewing sanctuary and said, "Take whatever you want." The result is the bags; I took what I thought I would need. At one point, we were examining a drawer labeled "Miscellaneous." Joan had forgotten the exact use for some of the gadgets, so we had a hearty laugh over the possible uses we could put them to. As I hauled out my full bags of sewing gidgets and gadgets, I was reminded of my mother. For years after we girls were married and had families of our own, Mother always had a pile of "finds" for us to take home each time we came. If Mother found a sale on toothpaste, she bought three--one for each of us. Mother often shopped at the "Big Store" for us. Her long-time boyfriend was the local garbage man, and he brought her his finds!! I will miss my sister! I know that it is important for her to go off and serve the Lord; a senior mission is an experience not to be missed. I will have her presence through emails, facebook, and blogs; it's her physical presence I will miss. No one who isn't a twin understands the bond that exists between twins. Bon Voyage, Joan. Have fun and bring me back an east coast gidget or gadget or two.

My picture is blurry, but you get the gist of the picture--the kitchen cabinets are now empty. Kitchen bling is in the dining room as we start working on some long needed projects--painting, new cabinet doors, new counter. Notice that I filled the kitchen table as full as I could get it. Hmmm....I guess we'll just have to eat out this week...Oh, darn!
I'm exercising in a senior citizens class. I'm the youngest in the class. It's a kick.
Dad took this picture of his squirrels' tenacity in acquiring Dad's delicacies. They've chewed through the hard, hard plastic handles to get more!!
Life right now is busy, fulfilling, and a might exhausting--just the way life should be. Hope it's the same for all of you. Love, Mom

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.